6 Lessons I Learned From Quitting Social Media

I’ve never been much of a quitter, especially when I set my mind to something. But this was different: I set my mind to quitting. And the thing was, I liked it.

I’m talking about social media. To be fair, I’m not one to spend an inordinate amount of time on my accounts—which these days really only counts as Instagram since I got rid of Facebook and Snapchat awhile ago. (I never got on the TikTok train, and to this day, I still don’t get the appeal of Twitter.) My social media usage was average at best: a picture posted every once in awhile, a scroll here, a few likes there. But recently, it has felt like a major time suck, and the negatives seemed to be outweighing the positives.

So last month, I deactivated the last of my social media accounts. My plan was to try it out for a month and see how it went. But after the month was over, I didn’t even want to reactivate it. The peace of mind (and time) that came with being social media free felt liberating. I felt happier, lighter even.

If I’m being honest, the experience didn’t leave me with any earth-shattering revelations. I didn’t have an epiphany, a groundbreaking Aha! moment. But that’s not always how change happens. In this case, it was over time that I noticed small, subtle shifts in my thought patters and behaviors—changes that, when added up, can make a big difference in the end.

I want to be clear: I don’t think all social media is bad. There are plenty of benefits. It allows us to stay connected to friends and family around the world, stay up to date on the latest news, and exposes us to culture and stories and art that broaden our perspectives. But let’s be honest, that’s not usually what we log on for. More often than not, we use it as a way to measure ourselves against the world—to make sure we’re smart enough, likeable enough, good-looking enough. The solution isn’t necessarily to delete all social media like I did. Rather, it’s about being mindful of how we use it, how often, and why.

So without further ado, here are some of my top takeaways after quitting social media.

Time is money—use it wisely.

34 minutes. That’s how much time I was spending, on average, on social media every day. I discovered this via the Screen Time setting on my phone. I remember thinking at the time, That’s not that bad. Surely it could be worse?

But a quick calculation soon put this into perspective. 34 minutes a day translates into almost four hours every week, or nearly 16 hours a month. That's over 206 hours a year, equating to more than one whole week straight. Say I live to be 80 and I continue this trend for the next 48 years. That's more than one whole year—24 hours a day—of my life that’s wasted with my nose buried in my phone, just to learn that Samantha had avocado toast for brunch and Jared still hates his job.

I began to question what value social media was bringing to my life. Moreover, what was it bringing into my life that I’d be better off without? (FOMO, distraction, and comparison, for starters.) It also got me thinking about all the things I could do in a year's time—the books I could read, the places I could travel, the hobbies I could pick up.

After I deactivated my Instagram, I still caught myself mindlessly opening my phone when I was bored or looking for something to do. But without Instagram, my time was occupied elsewhere: reading The New York Times, listened to an audiobook or podcast, or catching up on email (I’m unfortunately notorious for letting my inbox reach into the thousands). Without all the endless, mind-numbing scrolling, I was able to use my time better. And I was glad to—because if I’m going to spend a year of my life doing something, it better be more worthwhile than cat videos.

If it didn’t happen on social media, trust me, it still happened.

When I was 15 years old, I went on a school trip to Guatemala. I brought a small digital camera with me (at that time, smartphones didn’t exist). I remember walking around Antigua—all the candy-colored buildings in turquoise and marigold and canary yellow. With its cobblestone streets and massive volcano towering over the city, the place is picturesque. Today, Antigua is what one would call “Instagrammable.”

To be honest, I’m glad I didn’t have Instagram back then. I wasn’t concerned about getting the perfect shot or captioning a photo with the perfect witty phrase or the number of likes I’d get. My sole focus was soaking up the newness of it all, how beautiful and vibrant it was. I remember feeling so present, wanting to burn the images into my memory so I wouldn’t forget it.

Whether we admit it or not, social media changes us—not just the way we travel, but also the way we perceive the world and move through it. It shifts our focus from the real, living, breathing world, to a digital one. We find ourselves sucked into this never-ending need to document the “best of,” to curate the top moments of our lives.

This isn’t always a bad thing. Our profiles can serve as a kind of keepsake or memento, snapshots frozen in time to help us remember our life’s milestones. At one point I was traveling so much, I remember making an effort to post one picture in each city so I wouldn’t forget all the places I had traveled to.

But, this can quickly devolve into a mentality of experiencing something for the sake of Instagram. You might have heard the phrase, “pics or it didn’t happen,” meaning something is only believable if you have photographic evidence to back it up. But from my experience, the opposite is more true: No pics, and it really happened. When we aren’t concerned with how an experience will help or hurt our online presence, that’s when the real magic happens.

The stories we tell ourselves matter.

Somewhere I learned that kids respond better to positive directions than negative ones (e.g. “Let's play with this toy,” rather than “Don't touch that!”). I think as adults, we respond in the same way. The way we speak to ourselves, and the stories we tell ourselves, all become micro bits of information that we internalize every day. Over time, these create a broader narrative about how we see the world, and how we see ourselves—and not just in a positive or negative sense. It also helps us define who we are as individuals.

When I decided to deactivate my social media, I wanted to frame the experience as a positive, rather than a negative. Instead of telling myself “Don't be on social media,” I wrote a note to myself: “Be present without social media.” Phrasing it this way forced me to see the experience in a positive light, rather than feeling like I was missing out on something or giving something up.

But when it comes to social media and our mindset, this is just the tip of the iceberg. It’s no secret that social media is programmed to reinforce a scarcity mindset. That’s how it makes money. We’re fed this story that we’re not “enough” and that our happiness is just on the other side of an epic vacation, a new partner, or a new job.

But it got me thinking… What if we shifted this narrative, from one of lack to one of abundance? What if we got rid of that pesky bug in our ear (i.e. social media) telling us this negative story over and over, and we told ourselves a different story—one that celebrates who we are, including our imperfections? What if we began curating our mindset with as much care as we do our profiles?

How would our lives look different?

we’re Addicts, and It’s about time we act like it.

Awhile ago, I was listening to Tristan Harris, former Design Ethicist at Google and Co-Founder/President of the non-profit Center for Humane Technology, on an NPR podcast. He was talking about social media is designed to keep us scrolling. Companies spend an exorbitant amount of money to figure out what causes our brains to "light up" and what triggers the feel-good “reward” chemical in our brain, dopamine. They then use this data to design their platforms in a way that maximizes this dopamine release and keeps us wanting more, like a drug.

You only have to go so far as your Facebook and Instagram feeds to see this in action. Ever wonder why you’re not just given the most recent updates, say 20-30 posts? With a scrolling feed, Facebook and Instagram create an endless amount of material, continuously feeding our brain's dopamine responders. We scroll and scroll, and before we know it, we’ve lost an hour (or more) of our time. As we should—that’s precisely what our feeds are designed to do.

Lucky for us, smart people somewhere in the recesses of an engineering department have figured out how to help our addicted little brains. There are apps that not only track how much time you spend on social media, but they can also set time limits and track how many times you pick up your phone a day. (On the more recent iPhones, you can find this in your Settings.)

There are other mind tricks you can play to reduce screen time. You can turn off notifications to help you feel a little less like Pavlov’s dogs. Or, consider turning your phone to grayscale, which makes all the apps less appealing. Think of them like colorful cereal boxes at the supermarket; if they were all shades of black and grey and white, you’d likely walk right on by without a second thought.

It’s no secret that social media is designed to be addictive. And as with any addiction, we have to accept the fact that maybe we’re a little too attached than we should be. This enables us to set the boundaries we need to and build better habits when it comes to social media.

Ditch The Dirty “C” Word: Comparison.

By default, humans are curious creatures. We are also vain creatures. So naturally, it’s in our nature to want to know what other people are doing, and how we measure up. Ever since we were infants, we have absorbed information and internalized our experiences to help us decipher how the world works. Even the smallest interactions can inform how we view the world.

In theory, there isn’t anything wrong with this process—it's how we learn and grow as humans. But it also means that everything around us influences us, even if we’re not aware of it at first.

This is especially true for social media. We all try to put our best foot forward. We all curate what we look like and act like and sound like. The result is that we have created a platform that aims at perfection. Of course, this is a generalization, and there are some aspects of social media that are real and genuine. But the general trend is more performative than that.

So when we scroll social media and see that Bethany just hiked Mt. Kilimanjaro and Bobby is dining at a five-star Michelin restaurant in Brussels, we can’t help but do a quick self assessment. When was the last time we took an international trip, or saw something noteworthy, or did something noteworthy? Am I doing enough? Am I…enough?

There’s no way around it: comparison is the enemy of happiness. And while we may not always be able to ditch it altogether, we can do our darnedest to try.

You are here.

Social media often forces us to think about where else we’d rather be, or who we’d rather be, rather than being in the present moment. We’re everywhere but where we are. I'm guilty of this, especially when it comes to travel. (Truthfully, I’m never not dreaming up the next destination.)

But life is happening now. Now tomorrow, not yesterday.

With social media, we’re constantly bombarded with stimuli that take us away from the “now.” We’re always redirecting our focus and attention to somewhere else. Humans are the type of strange that we’ll put music in our ears when we run on the beach, and then we’ll play wave soundtracks when we're going to sleep at night.

Getting rid of social media means we’re able to spend less time on our phones. We’re able to stay in the present and savor the moment. We’re able to go on a beach run and actually listen to the waves.

Want to quit the ‘gram? Here’s how.

Check out how to deactivate your Instagram account here. (It took me less than 30 seconds.) Note that deactivating your account allows you to temporarily remove your profile from Instagram and come back at a later date. It saves your photos and data, unlike deleting your account which permanently removes your profile from the system.

Now that you have some free time on your hands, you can pick up that hobby you’ve always dreamed of. You can finally start your own true crime podcast, or try your hand at grandma’s infamous Bolognese recipe, or learn how to play the ukulele. Heck, you can pick all three. After all, you’ve got all the time in the world.