14 Ways to Practice Self Love
Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, giving us a great excuse to show a little extra love to those we care about. And while nothing is wrong with this, too often we forget to do the same for ourselves.
But all relationships are like plants—they need to be cared for in order to grow. And if we’re going to care for any relationship like our life depended on it, well…I’d say the one with ourselves would be a pretty good place to start. Only then, when we learn to love ourselves can we truly learn to love someone else. As Rupi Kaur said, “You must want to spend the rest of your life with yourself first.”
So this Valentine’s Day, let’s show love and gratitude for ourselves like we would for those around us. Here are 14 ways to put self love into practice this season.
Prioritize your mental and physical health.
Personal development coach Brendon Burchard breaks down health into four key pillars: M.E.D.S.—that is, meditation, exercise, diet, and sleep. (As Brendon says, “Don’t forget to take your M.E.D.S.”) When we prioritize all four areas, it can do wonders for us mentally, emotionally, and physically.
Do more activities that you love.
For me, this often involves doing something active or creative. Going to a museum, reading, writing, running, hiking, or doing yoga. It’s doing something that sparks joy or inspiration—something where you get that feeling in your chest, where you find a little piece of yourself in the world.
Set boundaries.
Until recently, I was admittedly pretty terrible at setting boundaries. If you’re anything like me, I highly recommend the book Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself by Nedra Glover Tawwab to build some foundational skills. Since reading it, I’ve realized that setting boundaries isn’t a way to push people away but rather to bring them closer. It’s a way to show that we care about our relationships by fortifying and strengthening them.
Focus on the relationships that make you feel good.
Invest time in the relationships where you feel connected, loved, and supported. If you’re feeling drained or bad about yourself after you spend time with someone, consider why you’re in that relationship in the first place. At the end of the day, if a relationship isn’t bringing you joy or fulfillment, you may have to make the tough (but necessary) decision to cut ties.
Practice gratitude.
According to recent studies, practicing gratitude for just five minutes a day can make you 25% happier. So whether you start a gratitude journal, write a thank you note to a friend, or do a gratitude meditation, I’d say it’s certainly worth it.
Ask for help when you need it.
For many of us, society has taught us to feel shame in asking for help. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized asking for help is a sign of strength—it shows that we know our limits and are humble enough to recognize that there is power in community. While friends and family can be a great place to start to get more support, therapy can also be helpful. Think of it as an investment you’re making in yourself.
Get out in nature.
One recent study found that spending two hours in nature each week can make you happier and healthier than those who don’t. Whether it’s going for a hike, kayak, or beach walk, make sure to carve out some time each week for NEATure.
Let yourself indulge.
While eating right, exercising, and getting enough sleep should be the gold standard, we also need to live a little. Every now and then, treat yourself to your favorite indulgent dinner, stay up late to watch that new zombie thriller movie, and skip the workout to eat the cake.
Spend time alone.
I love this quote by the author bell hooks: “Knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving. When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of escape.” Spending time alone can help us become more acquainted with ourselves—giving us more self awareness, more time for reflection, and the ability to show up better for those around us.
Learn something new.
And yes, even if you’re not good at it. Even if no one will ever see the final product. Try something simply because it makes you happy. Whether it’s ukulele lessons, painting classes, or joining a sports team, pick up a new hobby just for you.
Express yourself.
As humans, we have the innate desire to express our true, authentic selves. Try writing, painting, or dancing. And even if you don’t consider yourself a particularly creative person, you can still express yourself in other ways such as keeping a journal, talking to a friend, or sharing your thoughts at a book club.
Be aware of the inner critic.
We all have that voice inside of our heads telling us we’re not doing enough, we’re not good-looking enough, we’re not smart enough, we’re not [fill in the blank] enough. Practice becoming self-aware of the inner critic, and try replacing negative self talk with more positive affirmations.
Give yourself a little TLC.
Don’t forget to give yourself a little TLC every now and then. Indulge the senses—sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. Light a candle, listen to good music, cook something delicious for yourself. In other words, treat yo’self.
Know when doing less is more.
It’s easy to enumerate all the things that we need more of in our life—eat more veggies, get more sleep, read more books. But it’s also important to know when we’re doing too much. Sometimes that means prioritizing rest, doing less, or taking things off our plate. Saying “no” is sometimes just as important as saying “yes.”
Whether it’s a grand gesture or something small, there are so many ways to practice self love this Valentine’s Day. This year, let’s show our gratitude for the people who matter the most to us—and that means including our names at the top of the list.