23 Lessons Learned in 2023
At the end of each year, before looking ahead to set next year’s goals, I first like to look back and reflect on the past 12 months. I look at the highs, the lows. I think about the challenges I faced, the things that made me feel good, and what I learned from it all. Most importantly, I try to take time to reflect on what I can do next year to keep moving in the direction I want to go—mentally, physically, and emotionally.
In 2023, I learned a lot. From trying out remote work for much of the year and traveling to some pretty epic places, to continuing to learn the art of self love through my ongoing health journey, to unpacking and unlearning years of unhelpful thought patterns, 2023 was a year of prioritizing me. It was a year of putting my needs and my healing first (and learning not to feel guilty about that), and excavating a lot of self discovery along the way. There were moments that I was proud of and moments I wasn’t so proud of. But from it all, I learned a lot about myself. Moreover, I learned a lot about the person I’m trying to become, and overall, I feel like I moved in that general direction. And in the end, that’s what matters.
So without further ado, here are the biggest lessons I learned over the past year:
Don’t “should” on yourself. If you’re berating yourself for something you “should” do, ask yourself whose expectations you’re trying to meet—yours or someone else’s? And if you’re berating yourself for something you “should” have done in the past, keep in mind that you did the best you could, given the information you had at the time. Which brings me to…
Be kind to yourself. Be conscious of your inner critic and the stories you tell yourself.
If someone comes to you with a problem, you don’t have to solve it. You don’t have to try to make them feel better. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is to just sit, listen, and hold space for them to talk and feel.
What’s meant for you will not pass you by. If it passes you by, it wasn’t meant for you. I once heard the quote, “Life happens for you—not to you,” and I’ve always found it helpful as a way to reframe the context of a situation. Whether it’s a relationship, a friendship, or an opportunity, try not to dwell on the things that could have been. There may be a larger story or other unknown factors at play. Focus on the path ahead.
Stop trying to please everyone, and give yourself what you need. It’s not selfish to take care of you. Remember to check-in with yourself from time to time, and ask: What do I need right now? Identify what part of you might need nourishing, recharging, or compassion.
Invest in yourself now—physically, mentally, and emotionally. Don’t wait until you’re at a breaking point to act. Go to therapy. Meditate. Eat your veggies. Drink water. Get at least eight hours of sleep. Move your body. Catch the sunset. Express yourself creatively. Connect with a friend. Get out in nature. And, remember to live a little too. It’s the small things that make a big difference in the end.
You’re capable of more than you give yourself credit for. Trust yourself.
Don’t waste your time trying to convince someone to like you—whether that be in dating, in friendships, or in work. There will always be people who you don’t click with, who have other priorities, or who are fighting their own inner battles. Be the best, most authentic version of you—that’s all you can ask of yourself.
Spend money on experiences over things.
Make mistakes. You don’t learn by perfection. You learn by getting it wrong and doing better next time. Mistakes are part of the process—they’re healthy and how you learn and grow. So don’t strive for perfection—strive for growth.
Listen to your body, and honor your cycles and rhythms. There will be days where you feel completely on top of your game, and there will be days where you feel like you could sleep for a week straight. Give your body what it needs. If that’s rest, then great. If it’s a 12 mile run, also great. Know when to push hard and when to pull back—you need both.
You have to experience the lows to appreciate the highs. Remember that it’s all part of the process—as long as you choose to make it part of the process.
Do more of what lights you up inside. Go stand-up paddleboarding with a friend, go to an outdoor yoga class, or go to a writing meetup. Remember to feed your inner Creative, Social Butterfly, and Explorer—don’t let her starve.
Be honest in dating. If it’s not working out, be transparent and tell them. And remember, you don’t always owe someone an explanation. Saying you just didn’t feel the connection you were looking for is a perfectly fine explanation.
Remember to get out of your routine every now and then, and try something new. Bike to your destination instead of driving. Sign up for your first ceramics class. Hike on a new trail. Do things out of the ordinary.
You are human. That means you will get sad and angry and disappointed and hurt sometimes. It means you will have big feelings. That doesn’t make you a bad person—it just means you are capable of experiencing the broad spectrum of human emotions. In other words, you are painting with the full palette of colors. Don’t try to bury these feelings or deny that they exist. There is wisdom in emotions. Listen to them, and try to understand what they’re telling you. Instead of cutting them from your life, try to coexist with them. What you thought was your weakness could very well be your superpower. After all, the ability to feel deeply and experience the world intimately is the very thing that enables artists to do what they do best—to feel and perceive what others may not.
This next one was more of a reminder this year than a fresh lesson, but I think it’s so important that it bears repeating: Eliminate words that undermine yourself. Women (myself included) have a tendency to use words like “sorry,” or “just,” or “real quick” (as in “Sorry, I just have a question real quick.”) that diminish what we’re saying and don’t give us the credit we deserve. Boldly say what you want to say. Take up space. Go forth into the world—without apology.
It’s okay to let people go. Don’t hold on to friendships or relationships simply for the sake of longevity. If the relationship isn’t making you feel seen, heard, supported, and loved, let it go.
It’s okay to need quiet/alone time. Society often glorifies being extroverted and being social 24-7. In the end, you don’t have to be extroverted if that doesn’t feel natural to you. Being introverted and needing quiet time is totally okay.
You’re not going to make everyone happy.
It’s okay to ask for time to process something. You don’t always have to respond right away. Some people are post-processors, and that’s perfectly fine. You can always ask for time to digest information.
You are whole, and you always have been. You are perfectly imperfect. You are enough.
Set boundaries. It’s not selfish—it’s self-care.