September Tapas: Recent Travel, Perfectionism, and New Book Recs
Monthly Tapas is a new blog series that’s inspired by my time living on the island of Mallorca in Spain. Each week, my housemates and I would go out for tapas (small bites that usually accompany a beer or wine) where we’d catch up on the week, share stories, and laugh until our cheeks hurt. For us, tapas night meant good conversation as much as it meant good food. Above all, it meant connecting with one another.
My Monthly Tapas blog will be a place where I’ll share a sampling of what’s going on in my life in small bite-sized pieces. A little variety platter, if you will—a hodgepodge of thoughts. I’ll be sharing nuggets of what I’ve been thinking about, reading, or enjoying lately. So without further ado…Salud!
What I’ve been up to lately…
In April, I decided to do something big. Anyone who knows me knows that I’ve always wanted to try out the whole remote work thing, so earlier this year, I decided to pull the trigger. I gave up my lease, packed up my things, and headed north. I spent time in the Bay Area, Portland, Seattle, Vancouver, Vancouver Island, and Banff. I worked out of WeWorks, coffee shops, and various living rooms. I caught up with old friends, met some new ones, hiked up mountains, went to meetups, and explored the city by foot, ebike, car, and seaplane.
To be honest, I’m still processing the past few months (in the best way possible). I met so many amazing people, had some incredible experiences, and even crossed off a bucket list item or two. In time, I’m sure I’ll have a blog post about my experience, but for now, I’m still digesting and trying to unpack the whole thing. I’m not quite done traveling for the year, but so far, it’s been a once-in-a-lifetime experience that I feel very grateful to have had.
What I’ve been thinking about lately…
It’s often said that you find yourself when you travel. I don’t think it’s quite as simple as that. I think it’s a messy dance of finding yourself and losing yourself—a mix of shedding some old parts while also discovering some new ones. To be sure, it’s not a neat or clean process, but if you’re letting travel work its magic, it will no doubt change you.
That being said, it’s not like you simply leave as one person and come back as a new, improved version of yourself. More often than not, when you return home after traveling, you’re a mix of both old and new. Everything feels the same and different all at once. And what once seemed so clear and defined in your life—your sense of self, your beliefs, and your view of the world—now seems blurry, the corners all fuzzy and out of shape. Everything has been shaken up like a snow globe, and you have to give yourself time to let it all settle. You have to let the landscape of your being shape and reshape itself. After all, nature is constantly in a state of flux, carving valleys into mountains and waterfalls into mountain faces. The reality is, there is nothing natural that doesn’t change, and as far as I’m concerned, that’s something to not only embrace but also celebrate.
Another thing I’ve been thinking about…
Every once in a while, I’ll be talking to a friend who is beating themselves up over the smallest thing. They’ll recount how they did this or that wrong, how they wish they did something differently, how they could be a better sister, mother, or friend. And I just sit there thinking about all the wonderful things about this person and how, in the grand scheme of things, this is a tiny blip.
It’s funny how easy I can apply this philosophy to others, but when it comes to myself, I find it nearly impossible. As a perfectionist, self-criticism is baked into my blood and bones, and it has taken me a lot of time, focus, and energy to unlearn and retrain my thought patterns. (In all honesty, it’s not a destination where you arrive and say, I’ve made it!, but rather a lifelong journey of self-discovery, peeling back the layers, and relentless self work.) And as a perfectionist, we are constantly striving for a state of “enough-ness.” Can I do more? Be more? Ultimately: Am I enough?
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to realize the uselessness of these questions because when I’m in the swirl of self-criticism, the answer will always be yes, yes, and no, respectively. I will always be trying to reach a destination that doesn’t exist, and I will always feel like I’m falling short. Instead, a more constructive question is, Did I make progress today toward becoming a better version of myself? If the answer is yes, then great. If the answer is no, then I can ask myself, What did I learn from this? What am I going to change in the future?
And regardless of whether I did or didn’t make progress, I’m trying to be conscious of continuing to practice self-compassion. To work on being kinder to myself, to be conscious of my inner dialogue, and to know that sometimes moving forward means first taking a few steps back.
What I’ve been reading…
I kept hearing how amazing Michelle Zauner’s “Crying in H Mart” was, so I thought I’d give it a read. And let me tell you, it did not disappoint. I’m a sucker for a good memoir, and this one was so beautiful and heart-wrenching at the same time. As Zauner confronts the loss of her mother due to cancer, she begins to unpack her relationship with food, family, and her Korean-American identity. I found myself teary-eyed a few times while reading it, laughing at other parts, and sometimes a mixture of both at the same time. Throughout the memoir, Zauner doesn’t hold back, and it’s her raw, perceptive writing that makes the book so memorable.
I also recently read the book “The Glass Castle” by Jeannette Walls (another memoir), and it quickly became another favorite. Walls recounts her childhood growing up in extreme poverty with a very unconventional and sometimes tumultuous family. Her stories are both astonishing and wonderfully written—a well-crafted alchemy of turning hardship into something that’s moving, meaningful, and even beautiful.
What I’m loving…
In my February Tapas, I wrote about trying out (and loving) the latest Instagram trend of making healthy Snickers bars from My Nguyen at @myhealthydish. Well, I seem to be on a kick because I recently made these healthy Snickers ice cream bars from The Bigley Basics, and they were equally as delicious (and, might I add, perfect for those hot summer days). I made them into bite sized pieces rather than bars and substituted the chocolate for carob, and they were delicious. They’re perfect if you’re craving something a little indulgent while also sneaking in some nutritional benefit while you’re at it.
How I’ve been practicing self care…
I’ve long read about the benefits of hair oiling, but as someone who has very fine hair, the process has always left my hair looking weighed down and well…just plain oily. But, I recently read about the benefits of rosemary oil which can help with breakage, hair growth, and more, so I thought I’d give it another shot. I’ve been oiling my hair about 2-3 times a week, and I’ve been loving it—my hair feels stronger, softer, and healthier.
I got my rosemary hair oil at a local shop, but you can also make your own. Just make sure to combine it with a carrier oil like coconut, jojoba, or argan oil. There are mixed reviews on how long you should leave it in for—anywhere from 20 minutes to overnight. I’ve been trying a combo of both which has worked well for me, but try it out and experiment to see what works best for your hair type.
Quote I’ve been loving…
“Health is a state of body. Wellness is a state of being.” – J. Stanford